No, we’re not getting into politics.  If you’re not familiar with the musical “Hamilton,” the title comes from a line by Thomas Jefferson after some very unhappy and dark things happen in the second act.  It seemed appropriate to borrow it for this post for two reasons – the post this morning, and the content of this one.

I’ve mentioned a passing interest in the musical before, right?  Well, I may have spent part of my day filking part of it.  Filking, for the unaware, is the act of taking an existing song and rewriting it to make it about something else, usually a science fiction or fantasy property.  That’s where filking got its start, anyway.  I first played around with filking in my previously mentioned Highlander fandom days.  I may have tried to filk the entire “A Kind of Magic” album.  I made it three songs in, I think.  Thankfully, those efforts are well-hidden in a defunct forum and a more defunct Tripod-hosted website.

Given the theme of this blog,you can guess what the subject matter of my parody is, right?

My Doc, a Sherlock/Hamilton Parody

SHERLOCK:
I am not throwing away my Doc
I am not throwing away my Doc
You know I’m functionally sociopathic
(Do your research, while you’re at it)
And I’m not throwing away my Doc

I’ve studied more than you can learn in college
Why shouldn’t I brag? I always amaze and astonish.
Watson says I should be humble.  Hah!  Bollocks!
Man, I’ve got it so why not flaunt it?
Have you forgot it? Ha! I bleed logic.

I’m a polymath at heart, a true genius (why be humble?)
Trying to be the best at unraveling the unsolvable
Only one man but my mind is mightier
Than these Scotland Yard boys, they’re tidier, but no brighter.
Every puzzle, every mystery to solve
I have learned to resolve, no command to involve,
I have innocents to absolve.
And sure people’s lives may not be a game
But it’s on anyway, so let me spell out my name

I am the S H E R L O C
K and to put it simply
There’s no one who does this better than me
Meanwhile, Donovan keeps questioning my sanity.
Can’t they see my inherent superiority?
Here comes Lestrade stealing all my publicity
They ain’t never gonna admit they owe it all to me
So I need to find a blogger for posterity.
“Enter me”, John says, unenthusiastically.
Gonna make sure the people don’t forget about me.
And I would lay down my life for this surgeon, see,
With urgency, as he would surely do for me.

I am not throwing away my Doc
I am not throwing away my Doc
You know I’m functionally sociopathic
(Do your research, while you’re at it)
And I’m not throwing away my Doc

I am not throwing away my Doc
I am not throwing away my Doc
You know I’m functionally sociopathic
(Do your research, while you’re at it)
And I’m not throwing away my Doc

It’s time to meet the Doc

WATSON:
I dream of nothing but casualties and war,
Battles and bloodied bodies, what the hell’s it for?
Democracy? Hypocrisy! It’s all just anarchy,
And when I come home, I join Holmes’ insanity.
What’s up, Doc?

MRS. HUDSON:
Yo, I’m not your housekeeper
Can’t one of you boys run the bloody sweeper?
Why is there a head sitting in my Frigidaire?
It’s not fair, leaving stuff like that there,
For heaven’s sake, Sherlock!

MOLLY:
He’ll never really see me
Lipstick or not, I suffer from invisibility
He and I won’t ever fly, there’s no contest
Haven’t you guessed who he likes best?
It’s always his Doc.

MYCROFT:
People, please, stop all of your whining
I’m his brother, trust me there’s no point to pining
I’m with you, I know he can be problematic,
His moods border on erratic
And static except with his Doc.

SHERLOCK:
Mycroft, your time is up
I know, you still want to go off
But I’ve think we’ve heard enough
– well, I’ve heard enough –
And you may want to go before I have to get rough.
What are the chances the answers will ever be tough?
I feel like some of these puzzles are nothing but kid’s stuff.
A bunch of adolescent-level intellectual inventions –
Give me a real villain, with some real foul intentions!

MORIARTY:
Sherlock, you’re talking too much.
If you get what you wish for, don’t complain and such.
I’ve never had a nemesis before.
You bet I’ve got a show for you –
Yes, people will die – it’s what they do!

CAST:
And I am not throwing away my Doc
I am not throwing away my Doc
You know I’m functionally sociopathic
(Do your research, while you’re at it)
And I’m not throwing away my Doc

I am not throwing away my Doc
I am not throwing away my Doc
You know I’m functionally sociopathic
(Do your research, while you’re at it)
And I’m not throwing away my Doc.

Everybody sing
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa
The game is on, yo!
Whoa, whoa, whoa I said shout it to the Yardies
Whoa, whoa, whoa I said, to the Yardies
Whoa, whoa, whoa come on
Come on, let’s go

Wise up –
When you’re living in 221B, you wise up
Tell Anderson that he’s gotta wise up
Tell Donovan that she’s gotta wise up

When is everybody gonna wise up?
When is everybody gonna wise up?
When is everybody gonna wise up?
When is everybody gonna wise up?  Wise up

SHERLOCK:
I faked my death so well that I stumped everybody who cares for me
Everyone but Molly,
And I needed her to help me.
Watson had to watch, I had to make him see.
Is he ever gonna forgive me?
See, I never thought he’d take a swing
Me being alive should be a good thing!
He took it wrong, maybe I was gone too long, man his right cross is strong,
He really rang my gong, that’s surprising.

Forget that, we’re back to facts and not remembrance
Back in London and Baker Street, what’s happened since?
Time for crime and criminals to be caught
The crime rate climbs, these fools can’t be taught

WATSON:
But? If we run out of problems
In need of fixing what will we solve then?
Will the boredom overwhelm you like it used to
And cause you to indulge in habits you abused, too?
I know how the chase can be thrilling
But Sherlock, between all the thieving and killing
Shouldn’t there also be living?
I need to handle my personal situation,
Being a bachelor’s great, but I’m over masturbation.
Mary’s past patiently waiting, in fact she’s actually expectin’
(There’s been lots of acts of procreation)
I’d like to spend some quality time with my child and wife.
For God’s sake, Sherlock, think about getting a life!

SHERLOCK:
But I am not giving away my Doc
I am not giving away my Doc
You know I’m functionally sociopathic
(Do your research, while you’re at it)
And I’m not giving away my Doc
It’s time we wise up (You can’t leave me, Doc)
It’s time to wise up (Time to go, Sherlock)
I am not throwing away my –
Not giving away my Doc!